Thursday, July 16, 2009

Return of Frankenboob
(and other oddities)

Let me just preface this by saying that I have known at least ten women that have been pregnant during the time I have known them. Also, due to my pregnancy obsession developed during the "trying" phase, I had read about lots of the possible "benefits" that occur. Naturally none of these have happened to me, just ones I had no idea were even possible. I have consulted Doctor Google a LOT, usually entering "pregnancy and..." whatever it is at the moment. Here are the highlights.

1. I can't breathe through my nose. Nobody ever mentioned pregnancy boogers, but let me tell you, they exist. It's the worst at night, as if I'm not uncomfortable enough. Speaking of uncomfortable...

2. I am a freakin' whale. Don't get me wrong, I understood going into this thing that I would... expand. I just seem to be ahead of the curve (no pun intended) so far. I'm not even halfway through this process and already the pregnancy is unmistakable. Granted, my husband is on the large side so this could be a MegaBaby(TM), but most of the comments I've been hearing lately are like "Wow, you ARE pregnant" and "HOW far along did you say you were?" and my favorite "I can't believe how big you are already!"

3. Frankenboob. Remember the radiation? Yeah, the Frankenboob is making an appearance, this time not as the boob that ate Manhattan, but rather the boob that refuses to grow like the other one. It might be the only part of me that is NOT growing, and I'm extrapolating this in my head to the point where I have to lean to one side to balance.

4. My shoes no longer fit. WTF, are my feet pregnant? I have been assured by Doctor Google that this is normal and happens to other people but seriously, that one was a surprise.

Other than that, things have been going pretty well. No weird food cravings, which is probably good. I can't eat grilled chicken anymore, though, it totally grosses me out. We're on track to find out the gender next week, and I'm super impatient to find out. Given my size, I'm going to make sure they take a good long look around and make sure it's not twins! [insert shudder... here.]


melisa said...

I feel guilty for laughing at your troubles, but thanks the first GENUINE laugh I've had in days!!!

Hang in there. Just think of all the Mother's Days you'll be able to demand extravagant gifts for all this pain.

Anonymous said...

Don't let them tell you your child's sex! Don't do it! It's one of nature's pure suspensful dramas and you should let it unfold naturally. Just sayin. -Dave

Estelle said...

ahahaha pregnancy is quite a great experience, but it does have its lot of ... let's say ... unfriendly parts. My twin girls are 6 weeks old now, and everything is back to normal (shoes, breathing ....).
Take care :-)