Wednesday, May 29, 2002

My cat is adorable. We have raised him right. Doesn't he sort of look like an alien, though? Or some sort of weird insect? It's the eyes. Also, he has removed his left eyebrow since this picture was taken. He does that on occasion; he dislikes symmetry.
Lucky Me

I just had my first mammogram. I would like to say that I was calm, cool, and collected. I, in fact, was not. In fact, I was a whiny little biatch trying to maybe talk them out of having to perform this test. Nobody told me how overwhelmingly large the machine was, for one thing. Why that made a difference, you will have to ask my whiny little inner biatch. Now I just hope that my insurance will pay for it. Damn it.

Tuesday, May 28, 2002

I Didn't Do It

We have had a myriad of problems recently with other firms not taking responsibility for doing their jobs. On the up side, we have gotten lots of work since these firms have been blacklisted by one of our clients. On the down side, we have to deal with them to try and figure out what they were supposed to be doing with the files. The most original excuse we have heard recently for incompetence is "my secretary broke her knee!" I have begun to use this phrase in everyday conversation. It has a certain something.

Friday, May 24, 2002

I Feel Your Pain

The last people to have our phone number were Chinese. We only know this because of the telemarketers that call.

Me: Hello?

Telemarketer: blah blah blah blah Ni hao!

Me: You have the wrong number.

Telemarketer: Oh, so sorry.

Also I got a marketing call from the Wall Street Journal, who asked to speak with Mr. Wang. But then he figured it was a prank, since the first name was Yu. Yu Wang? Hey, it could happen. At any rate, I have a lot of sympathy for
this guy. Mr. Zabel, I salute you.

Thursday, May 23, 2002

World News

I really enjoy NPR. I try to leave later for work so I can listen to the BBC news. OK, I just like to sleep late. Listening to the BBC news is an entirely different experience than listening to news from a domestic source. For one thing, they hardly ever mention things happening in the good old U.S. of A. This is because we are not doing anything exciting. I know some may beg to differ, but finding Chandra's remains just does not hold a candle to starting a war with your nuclear-weapons-bearing neighbor country. I bet we could get mentioned if we declared war on Canada, what do you think?

Monday, May 20, 2002

This man looks like a monkey.

Friday, May 17, 2002

Service Please!

I don't enjoy getting bad service in a restaurant. But I also don't enjoy getting all snitty with the waitstaff. Who does this help? Honestly, it ruins my meal more hearing everyone at the table badmouth the waiter than simply not getting a re-fill of my water or not having silverware right away when the food comes. If I have to wait half an hour for my food, I don't want to spend it hearing people complain. Maybe I'm too soft, I mean, I was a waitress once and a very very bad one at that. Of course, I had some strange things happen. Once I apparently lost an eyelash in someone's orange juice. I have no control over my follicles, sorry. Once there was a spider crawling on somebody's lettuce in their BLT. Fresh from the garden, Ma'am! Anyway, I cut waitstaff a break, or I try to. Especially the cute boys. Don't go spouting off that I'm sexist, I know guys do it for cute waitresses too, I'm sure it balances out.
My Heart Will Go On

I actively dislike Celine Dion. I have trouble watching interviews with her without rolling my eyes and/or saying nasty things to the television. My mother likes her, mostly because she used to sing in French, and it's difficult to find French music that's accessible to high school students. But you have to keep in mind that my mother also enjoys Kenny G.

Thursday, May 16, 2002

Thank God for Breast Men

It helps to avoid the pesky need for monthly self exams.
Ten reasons why Super Jen totally rules:

1) Can negotiate with machines. Bring her your photocopiers, your hole punchers, your ornery staplers. She will make them want to work for you.

2) Will tell you if you have food in your teeth. Will also point out your fashion faux pas, if it is for your own good.

3) Is not afraid to go out in public without any makeup and/or without bathing.

4) Will not ridicule you for staying with Mr. Wrong. Much.

5) Can listen to your problems without trying to solve them. Sometimes the best superhero power is knowing when not to try and be a superhero.

6) Always has gum.

7) Will not flaunt extensive database of trivial information in her brain.

8) Knows where all the cool toys are online. Owns many cool toys offline.

9) Has superlative grammar. Can sometimes spell.

10) When activated, highly sophisticated emitter in boobies can attract every penis-bearer within 5-mile radius.