The Big Day

Since it has now been six weeks, I feel like I have regained enough of my sanity to post about our little guy's first day. Since he never did get turned around to the proper exiting position (keeping all feet, hands and objects inside the ride at all times), it was scheduled c-section all the way. As I mentioned, it is now considered far too dangerous to deliver a breech baby, and hey, I'm A-OK with whatever is safest for the baby regardless of what our birth plan may have been.

That being said, I feel like I didn't get full disclosure about this whole c-section thing. I mean, just because I don't have to recognize the signs of labor or do breathing exercises or push doesn't mean I'm not involved, amirite? Pretty much the only information you get in the birth classes about c-sections is that one in ten pregnancies will be delivered that way, you will get an epidural but be awake, and they don't take very long.

WELL. Here are some things I wish they would have mentioned. I'm sure they wouldn't have helped me sleep any better the night before, but holy hallelujah they would have minimized some of the psychological trauma I experienced during delivery. After all, they wouldn't prepare you for a vaginal delivery and not tell you about the pain. The squeamish may skip the next section. By the way, I will get to talking about the baby, I just want to get this part out of the way.

1. Numb? Yes. Can you also tell exactly what is going on down there? Yes. I could handle when the doctor announced there was a "gusher" by going to my happy place and thinking something along the lines of "lalalalalalala" but it's tough to ignore the amount of moving your body actually does. I'll leave it at that.

2. I thought naively that the doctor would reach in and pull the baby out once it was go time. OH NO. This is the point where she pushes with all her might on the top part of the baby which happens to be DIRECTLY OVER MY RIBCAGE so that the baby squirts out the incision. Granted, once I thought about it, reaching into someone's body creates increased risk of infection, so the "break your ribs" technique makes more sense. However, since there was no warning at all, I think my eyes about popped out of their sockets.

3. By the way, at some point you may feel incredibly nauseous. Picture this: the baby is out, they showed him to me, they cleaned him off, and my husband and new son are sitting next to my head while the procedure progresses behind the drape (thank god for the drape). Suddenly I feel a nearly uncontrollable urge to vomit on my child. Once I make everyone aware of this, the husband and child are whisked away to be replaced by a bedpan. Fantastic. The psychological trauma continues as I am informed my organs are being put back in their proper places and it may be jostling my stomach. Uh huh.

Oh yeah, and after the surgery, whilst you are in a fair amount of pain and have gotten no sleep at all, you get to find out what contractions feel like, you lucky thing. But hey, on the bright side, contractions were in my birth plan.